The next few entries are being lumped together as it was a rather unpleasant time. I had a few rough days in a row and I really kinda let loose in my blog. Those that "lived" this with me may want to skip over this section and just continue with the next. For those that didnt, well this may give you some insight on how I was seeing things at the time...read at your own risk. If the same situations came up now, I can guarantee I'd treat them exactly the same. I make no apologies for getting upset and venting. Im a Leo and these things will happen from time to time. Do I regret anything about it? Only the fact that I lost 3 friends at the time and was only able to make peace with 2 of them. It's still a rather sore point with me and I can only hope in time that friendship with the 3rd will be rekindled. However, since (as I've been told) she's alot like me, I dont forsee this happening any too soon.
WARNING: Very long read.
September 30, 2006
Man I am so tired. Not so much physically, although Im that too because we've gone back to nights and my body's having a hard time adjusting back. It's not the staying awake that's the problem, thanks to shit im my life going on my mind stays active far longer than it really should. It's the staying asleep once I get there that's a problem. I think tonight Im going to take a sleeping pill so I can get some rest.
Mostly Im tired of certain stuff happening in my virtual life. It's enough to make a person want to go offline for a while, if not forever. I mean DAMN, some of this crap rivals right up there with my pre-Babe life. Shit...most of this is more dramatic than the soaps that come on every weekday afternoon!
Im tired of friends using friends for their own nefarious reasons and then walking away to leave the used one hanging. Worse yet is when the perpetrator uses, walks away and comes back for more and victimizes the others repeatedly. I dont know what's worse in this situation. The perpetrator, who keeps coming back with lame-ass shallow promises that they never keep or the victim themselves. I've noticed that the victim either walks away and gets on with their life, OR obsesses on it and allows it to happen over and over again in a vicious cycle. My particular "favorites" have been the ones that bitch and whine about the situation, get you to feel sorry and give advice to them and then they turn right around and go running back to their problem. Im sorry but fool me once....well you know the saying. Some of us will listen to that sobshit once but if you go diving head first back into it, dont come running to me because I dont wanna hear about how you were wronged *AGAIN* by that same person. All I can say is get the hell outta my face.
Im tired of seeing friends breakup in an ugly manner. OK clue here....evidentally you were friends for a reason or season and not lifers so move along now. Worse is when the one friend doesnt accept the breakup and keeps doing everything in their power to get the friendship going again. There's a term for this....it's called stalking. It's also highly illegal so back off. I hate the relationships where the one friend insists on sending stuff as gifts and then holds it over the other's head. Dammit gifts are items that are given with nothing expected in return. This is why you send little stuff...unless it's family or a friend you've had for a shitassed long time. The Blessings come with the giving...NOT in the receiving.
Im tired of feeling like a tea-cup chihuahua stuck by the hydrant when the big dogs all come in to do their business. That's the feeling I've had TWICE now due to breakups of two of my own friends. This is a real pisser (pun intended). Four times in 3 years with different sets of friends. The one set was real hard because the one that dumped on the other...well they did a number on me too. Did I chase this person down and beg they take me back. FUCK NO. I walked away and pulled a dirty of my own. I sent the bitch an announcement for my wedding from the state I got married in as proof I was only a few miles away from her when I had my ceremony. The first hydrant was from a particular site under a different manager at the time. Damn that was ugly. The aggressor there pulled me into this mess and wondered why I struck back and eventually left. The next one was a "lover's" spat I guess and drove a bunch of us offline for a bit. I swore I was never gonna stream after that mess. Funny how things change. This last one is enough to drive me offline permenantly. I hate being able to see both sides of the story and both sides are right to an extent. Meanwhile, the chihuahua aint been Scotchgarded and forgot her fkn umbrella.
Im tired of people having a problem with a certain person or set of people and instead of keeping their problem private and among a few close friends, taking the problem and dumping it in a public blog. Ok blogging is for airing shit out, I've done my share....but DAMN dont fkn name names and watch how shit is worded. If you notice...even with all the screaming and hollaring Im doing I have NOT ONCE used a name or a site location or anything. I may not have left much to the imagination for those that know what Im talking about. However, for those that DONT...the lessons and rant still holds true without the identities revealed. It's called etiquette...some may call it having some semblance of class and respect for others.
Im tired of people bitching about how certain places are run. Yes, private messages in a site should be private....I will not argue that. However, if the management feels that it is necessary to read them for one reason or another more power to them. To be honest, I'd rather they did because with my voice on the mic I tend to get harrassed in pm by some really slimey creeps. I'd rather lose that little bit of freedom to know that my boss will be on the watchout for assholes that make my job not so fun (or assholes that harrass me when Im trying to just visit and have a good time). If anyone reading this thinks that their own site manager doesnt occasionally read the pm logs...you're sadly mistaken. Every siteboss does. They dont do it often, usually only when they think there's something they need to keep an eye out for. Ive seen bosses that do much worse than just peeping into my pm. Personally, if I was a site boss and I knew a couple of my chatters had or were having some bad dealings with you ..I'd have those pm logs on too. The site boss's job is to make sure the welfare of the site is taken care of and if it means stepping on a couple toes to do it...so be it. That's right....I back my boss 100%. I know for a fact my boss DOES NOT read them ALL the time (unlike another co-boss from a while back whom shall remain nameless...we all KNOW he did!). Why? because they are mostly full of BS between friends. Usually my boss wont even touch them unless he suspects something and he's usually right when he pops them on. Oh and while Im on this part of the rant. One does NOT need the pm's to notice when someone comes in and then next thing you know they and another person have left the area and gone elsewhere. Any bloody idiot will notice this. It's rude PERIOD. If you are so all fire uncomfortable with being somewhere you have some options:
01) Talk to the site manager and see what they recommend. They may suggest another room on their site. At least keep him or her in the loop as to the why you feel the way you do in a site. Many of them will actually work with you because they want to see all their visitors have a good time.
02) If there isnt another room on the site at least let the manager know what your problem is and that you're going elsewhere for a bit. You can always go back to the site when you're done. Above all, at least give the owner that respect. Dont go and just leave and let them find out on their own. Geeze.
03) We've been in chat long enough to know how it looks when a person comes in, stays 2 minutes and promptly leaves for elsewhere. Many of us have been the streamer when that happened. Do we even remember how we felt when that happened? Worse yet is when one or two others leave with them. Sheesh...courtesy folks! You KNOW how this looks...buck up and just stay the few minutes to talk to your friend. It's not as though you're going to be paying attention in the room anyhow! Better yet...suggest they get an IM service...then it can stay out of chat altogether.
I'm tired of people commenting on things when they dont know the whole story. I can in this case because I've done my research AND kept my eyes open. I've usually seen both sides of the story and ya know....I think I can make a decision on things. I see right as well as the wrong on both sides of most issues and base my decision on the lesser of the two sets of wrong. My "favorite" lately has been people reacting on something they read without thinking about what was said. Now, I've been wrong on stuff like this and reacted when what was said was actually quite innocent. I do stand accused and guilty of that. However, with my opinions I tend to offer possible scenarios (even if I dont know both sides, I can much guess what the other half of the story is or even possibilities). I've seen enough from different angles to be able to do this. Take if you'd been in the upper staff of a particular place or places and have seen how things work. You may not agree with some of the workings...BUT you know why they're done. At least explain the mentality behind some of the decisons and dont just say that the manager was totally wrong...when you know there must have been good reason for what was done.
I'm tired of people not giving the whole story so the people they are talking to are well informed. People that sit there and just give PART of their side of the story or twist the words so it looks like they've done absolutely no wrong...or at least fessed up that what they've said or done could possibly be construed as wrong doing. Geez even I took the blame when I wrote the "Fk you Im leaving" letter to my now ex. I at least owned up that part of our problems were mine as well. I havent seen that happening much around here. When you're wrong or what you've done could be seen as wrong...at least be grown up to own up to it.
I'm tired of people being so damn paranoid that they mis-interpret what's written in front of them. If a person says "Im talking about me" golly gee whiz that means the subject of the matter is the author. If they're talking about something else and havent said...it aint always about you. How paranoid (or egotistical) can you be to think everyone is ALWAYS talking about you? Could be a friend in Timbuktu they're talking about. You aint the center of the universe honey. While we're at it....sometimes we come online to talk to others...not just you. I dunno about anyone else but I have about 20-25 friends on each of my IM services with very few repeats. If Im online, it's usually because I have business with someone....and if I dont answer right away, guess what... there is something else that has my attention. Oh...and if any of this sounds familiar and you think Im talking about you...I more than likely am. Do your toes hurt? Well mine have for a while now and I aint talkin because I had surgery on them. I just have class enough to not say who you are.
That's right. Im tired...physically and emotionally totally drained because my mind is going a hundred miles an hour at night mulling over shit like this. Why do I mull it over? Sometimes because Im tryin to work out a solution so everyone wins. Sometimes it's because Im trying to figure how to advise a friend. Sometimes it's because Im mourning for a friend's problems. More than often lately it's because Ive gotten angry ..... and this chihuahua is soaked to the skin.
Im so tired of dealing with plastic people. I fully anticipate that this is going to cost me a few friends. Oh well. It's my damn opinion and that's all that matters. Those that understand me...truly understand me...will accept this as what it is..a rant and nothing more. Those that dont understand me and choose to write me a "Fk off " letter, well I guess you were reason or season and werent true friends after all. Do I expect an apology on some of this? It would be nice. Do I think I'll get it? Fuck no. All I can do is get up, brush off and move on as a Leo should.
October 1, 2006 (pt 1): posted @1:28am
Sometimes you just gotta step back, re-assess the situation and just tell people to fk off
Wow. When I blew that gasket I didnt realize the response I was going to get. Let me back it up for those who may be confused. I had gotten in the habit lately of typing in another blog area and pasting in here so all my friends were on the same page. Something went down the other night and words were said that shouldnt have been said. Well, I take that back they should have been said just not in the way they had been. I was already upset because of something else that had gone on in the other blog area that had gotten under my skin. It was so damn piddly minor that I hadnt dealt with it yet and I had figured it wasnt worth getting in an argument about. Anyhow, I went in to the area to make sure I was caught up on everything when I saw this entry that made me totally lose my cool. I was sooooo pissed off. Knowing my temper I felt it was best to just leave it and deal with it when I cooled off. Unfortunately, the sub-conscious wasnt about to have any of that and worked on it all night. I hate when this happens because Im even bitchier about the problem the next day. I made it worse by going back to that area and reading the comments. I do give them credit for at least having some tact with their answers....but to be honest...it just sent me over the edge. I spent the whole day stewing on this trying to decide how I wanted to handle things. No amount of re-arranging the info in my mind was going to change how I felt and everytime I thought I had a blog calmly planned out...it took a turn to the worst. My only options were to:
01) Remove the whole account without warning and receive a barrage of "OMG your link doesnt work what happened?"
02) Find a way to blog it anyhow and really lose my cool and end up telling them all to KMA.
03) Adjust my blog so it leaves the "IM VERY PISSED" look to it.
I opted for #03). I went in and ripped out every entry and changed up my blog name. When I had that done, I change the blurbit so it had a cryptic message and damn if it didnt get a response the next morning (Saturday). I havent answered that email and I probably wont. I figure I said all I gotta in the blog here and if they want answers this is where they'll have to come for them. I dont think the author of that email thought to look in here yet, though the person I targeted most of it at certainly did. Actually, I ended up with 2 emails of apology and one of them didnt even owe one to me. Top things all off there was an apology from the blog author on the other site.
It was said in a comment in the other site that "no one can tell you how to feel". Essentially that is correct. I will not quibble that point. No one could tell this one how to feel and I dont expect anyone reading this will tell me how to feel either. However, being adults we should know how to govern our actions AND our words. Choose carefully what you say because the written word does NOT have the same nuance of hearing the words said. In either case, whether written OR spoken, words can hurt. They are much more damaging than anything that can be done to a person physically.
I havent decided if Im going to drop that other account yet or not. I'd only gotten one so I could leave comments on certain blogs there. I dont really need another space, but what happens in the next day or two will weigh heavily on the decision I make regarding it.
October 1, 2006 (pt 2): posted @12:51am on October 2nd (damn night shift hours!)
Ok. As you can see by my avatar I had a better day today. Well at least over all I did. I started my day as per usual for a night shift month. Woke up around 1pm or so to the dog barking and acting like a total bitch (literally as well as figuratively). I have to laugh because the reason why she was going on is because the alarm I have on the refrig was going off. The alarm is there to remind me to give her her heartworm meds (preventative measures only) on the first of the month. Took me a minute to figure out what the damn beeping was. I got up and did my usual fuss at the dog-take my meds-run for the teapot routine. Actually tried to do it quietly cuz hubby was headed back to bed to get a few more ZZzzzs. Grabbed a glass of water and bowl of cereal and headed into the office to catch up on the news for the day. Imagine my surpise when I opened the email and found 3 messages from my Oksis and 3 more from this site saying I had comments on my blog I needed to read. Well W O W. Got my first F-U of the morning in one of the comments (thanks Tia...I needed that smile). Once I got my email done I went to the other blog site to see what was up there and to try to decide if I was going to keep it open. Earlier this morning, before bed I had reworked the area in case I wanted to use it still. As I was perusing the blogs there I got my second F-U of the day. Well, it wasnt really *said*...it was, however *implied*. I do have to admit they looked like they were more mad at someone else than they were at me...so maybe there's hope yet. I kinda figured I'd get that response though. That woman is so much like me at times it's pathetic. Anyhow after reading that and seeing the comments backing her decision to tell me and the problem child off, I decided it would be in my best interest to just dump the account. I know where the site is incase I want to go back under a different name. Not sure what I'd need it for as of yet. I do like it because you can post several pictures on your blog entry and not just one per entry like here (this could be beneficial as a start point for selling my work instead of going through EBay). Plus I like the fact that when it's working really well I dont have to worry about getting jambed halfway through and possibly losing this mile long entry. I know...just write less then....so sorry I blog like I talk and Im very long winded at times. Later, I talked to my Txsis and got my other 2 F-Us over the phone...LOL.
I thought it would be in best interest to at least apologize to 2 of the 3 that got griped out in that long bitch session of a blog entry and wrote them both a nice letter. I knew from the one's blog that it was highly possible that she'd never read it and definitely never answer it, however I felt it was the grown up thing to do and at least own up to the fact that I could have handled it so much better. Let's all face it, I may have been right...but I really coulda dealt better with it. Plus I wasnt so much as mad at them but more like very dissappointed in them. Could you imagine if I had written it the night I saw the problem child's blog? Wouldnt have been nice...nope not at all. I figure this at least puts the ball in their court. I dropped the other account, removed all the bookmarks and completely removed every email addy and MSN id I had. I didnt block them though, just incase they changed their minds.
Spent the day going through my to check file and renaming all my new tunes. I still have to get into my MySpace and blog Saturday's stream. I have begun showcasing many of the groups from that site on my stream and I like to let them know how they did. Not that I have much in the line of circulation there yet...but hey that's how critics start...small. When I write about the bands I place their MySpace link in my blog and with any luck help move a little traffic to their sites. I've gotta work that site more. Im learning (slowly) how to write code and want to get most things transferred over so I have less little flags everywhere on my page due to the fact Im using other people's work constantly. This evening I've been grabbing samples of certain codes I want to use so I can see what they all do and rewrite that area completely. I've learned how to put what picture I want up and have it go to another site but there is so much more to learn. After I practice on MySpace I'll be working on my own site. Hubby got two web sites through a company called 1&1. One's his (yep he has it up and somewhat running) and one's supposed to be mine. I havent decided what I want to do with it yet and I definitely want to know how to do code so I can have my own work there. Im thinking a small part of it is going to be for my crafts. I just gotta figure out what to call the space. I need something that can pull double duty as a family site and a site I can post my work on so I can sell it. Last thing I need is to use LadyStyx in the web name, decide to close the site and then have some damn porn site grab up the name.....talk about embarrassing.
I got another surprise tonight in the form of a response to one of the emails I had sent out. Seems that one of the two isnt mad at me and had agreed that my opinion was my own and that I was free to express it as I saw fit. We've shot emails back and forth most of the night and I believe at least one of the friendships has been salvaged. In all this mess I'd been watching for weeks a friend and I had been worried about her and the other... in that things would take a turn for the worse regarding the troublemaker. I told her basically that I was willing to sacrafice any friendship we'd had in order to make sure they knew how bad this one person could get. I'd do it all over again too. I'd rather lose a couple friends and know that things were going to be ok with them than to sit back and watch the shit happen all over again.
Now, lemme see what I was originally gonna blog....LOL. I had started a blog Thursday in that other place and I was gonna put it here too...*thinkz*. OHHH YEAH! My id came in this last week *finally*. At last my id says Im my Mr's Mrs :D!!! WHOOOHOOO!
On EBay I finally found a game I had been looking for. It's a very rare game that was only sold in my hometown of Syracuse NY. Catch is that the game hasnt been in print for over 20 years. I managed to win that auction. While I was in EBay I found an EBay store that had at least one title of a certain group's cds and bought that. I think it was Friday when my Lao Tizer cd finally showed up. Happy happy happy!!! He's got some great stuff ...if ya wanna check his music out he's at http://www.laotizer.com/
My friend from highschool plays bass in Lao's band (he also has his own stuff out but this section's about Lao). In the group shot he's the 4th one in line (to the right of Lao and with only one other to his right). In the other band shot he's the one in purple tyedye. The band (according to their MySpace webpage) is supposed to be coming to Houston November 3rd and 4th (ohhhhh Honey...I know ya reading this....this is a HUGE HINT! It's a Friday and Saturday night gig...we could take a weekend--without the dog!)
I guess that's about it. Drama's over for the week I think *knocks on wood*. Stay safe my friends.