Entry from Dec 22,2006

ok here's the other I promised yesterday. I probably wont be posting much more until Christmas day as I feel like that proverbial lump of doggy by product today. Hubby's calling the dr and Im hoping for an appointment for today (yep...got one for 1015am...different dr though). Have no voice to speak of right now (at least yesterday I sounded like a seductive mouse...whispery with a slight squeak) and I still feel like I been scuba-diving in fresh cement.

EDITED 502pm: Went to the dr. They have me on an antibiotic to get rid of this crapola before it heads into my chest. As I have no voice, I wont be streaming Saturday as I'd like to. I'd like to invite all in to visit with molly as she covers my time. She always puts on a heck of a show!

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The Twelve Days of Christmas

Dec 13th
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What athoroughly delightful gift!. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes


Dec 14th
Dearest John
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves! I'm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All My Love,
Agnes


Dec. 15th
Dear John,
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one? Now, I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity - three (3) French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind!
Love,
Agnes


Dec. 16th
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four (4) calling birds. Now, really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're really being too romantic!
Affectionately,
Agnes


Dec. 17th
Dearest John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings: one for every finger.You're just impossible, but I love it! Frankly all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes


Dec. 18th
Dear John
When I opened the door, there were actually six (6) Geese a-laying on my front steps! So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through all the racket. Please stop!
Cordially,
Agnes


Dec. 19th
John,
What's with you and those fucking birds?! Seven (7) Swans a-swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, so stop with thosefucking birds!
Sincerely,
Agnes


Dec. 20th
OK Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight (8) Maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those damned birds, and 8 maids a-milking, but they have to bring their goddamned cows! There is shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own houseanymore.
Just lay off me, smart-ass!
Agnes


Dec. 21st
Hey, Shithead,
What are you, some kind of sadist? Now there are nine (9) Pipers playing, and Christ do they play! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Agnes


Dec. 22nd
You Rotten Prick,
Now there are ten (10) ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long! Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit! The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I've asked the police to get you.
One who means it!
Agnes


Dec. 23rd
Listen, Fuckhead,
What's with the eleven (11) lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead! They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotton, vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes


Dec 24th
Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve (12) fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of her home was total. All future correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant foryour arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Bender and Cajole
Attorneys-at-law