So I was in chat the other day and we were all cutting up as per usual when my AlaSis had to run to the potty. ~grinz~ So I pulled my usual "slide a litterbox under the chair with InCaseOfEmergency written on it" routine. At this point those that had heard the story bust out laughing and of course I was asked to tell that story in room again. This got my AlaSis to laughing so hard I thought she was gonna run for the potty again. Then my sweet OklaSis decided to point out I never told the squirrel story in this particular site. Now my AlaSis wants to hear it but it's too damn long to type in the room (I usually tell it on the air because it's faster...but then I get laughing and cant talk...maybe that's why they like for me to tell it). I had to promise to put it in here sometime so here it is. Best put a towel down in your chair, squeeze your kidneys and dont be drinkin as you read farther. I aint responsible if you wet yourselves.
About 12 yrs ago or so I used to work for WalMart. I was originally hired to be on the day-time receiving team with 2 other gals. After a few months there, the manager came back and asked us what we all liked best about the area and was fishing for our strong points. I loved the job but I was stronger in doing the paperwork and more patient at finding errors and correcting them than my partners. Janice was the one that was fastest at processing the incoming freight and the third girl...well she was slow on everything. It was decided since I liked paperwork so well that I should cross-train in the claims dept (damages). This was cool, lots of paperwork and I got to work with someone new (Judy). Shortly after I got trained they decided to cut the staff in receiving by a third and since I could do both jobs I got to stay and float between Janice's area in receiving and Judy's in claims and the third gal was relocated.
Well Janice, bless that sweet lady, was prone to pulling pranks when things were slow. She was forever trying to startle me but it never really worked because my mind was in 5 different places at once and I never really noticed any one particular thing. Once she tried sticking one of those big rubber rats in the compactor and had me empty the trash...so I open the door and never noticed the rat. LOL. She tried again by putting it outside the receiving doors in the open around the corner a bit then called me out to check out this car...again I didnt see it because I had my head up looking for the car. But...I remembered this...and told her that payback would come eventually at a time she didnt expect. She just laughed it off because I was one of the more laid back people in the store.
My chance finally came that autumn. Every Monday was magazines day. This meant we had a HUGE shipment of magazines to check in and a bunch that had to be scanned back out later. A rep would come in and help us check them in, take them to the sales floor and stock the new stuff as she pulled the old stock off the shelves for return. Once a month the shipment was huge because the monthly mags came in (Cosmo, RedBook). These were a pain because we had to make sure they were family store appropiate (Cosmo most times was NOT). Anyhow, this one autumn day Debbie (the rep) was in and we got the magazines checked in. Once they were done she was in the habit of going out with Janice for a smoke break. So they go out this one very nice autumn day and Im still working and enjoying the tunes on the radio we were allowed back there and really enjoying the weather. It was warm enough to keep the one empty bay door open and the side bay (where the reps would enter the store) door open too. A very nice breeze that day. Next thing I know I hear some SCREAMING comin from outside. I peeked out and Janice and Debbie were standing on the picnic table in total fits and Janice yelled "CLOSE THE DOORS!". Well she was boss back there so I did. I was really pissy because I was really likin the sunshine and breeze for sure. When she got back in she started telling me about this squirrel that came after her and Debbie...that she thought it had rabies or something. It had chased them up the table and has started running for the receiving doors and that's why she wanted them closed. Well you can imagine I was laughing really hard at this point. She called up Tommy in the Sporting Goods Department and next thing I know this "great hunter" shows up with a pellet gun and some rounds...slips out the door and commenses to shooting into the stacks of pallets out there. We never saw anything and no corpses showed up ...but this wasnt the end of it. You do remember what I told Janice earlier right? ~grinz evilly~
So anyhow, Tommy and his friend Gerritt (he's the one with the ummm cowboy costume story I was telling too...LOL) get this idea a couple days later to pull a prank on her. So...while we were out to lunch they get this squirrel statue from the lawn and garden area and set it outside the receiving doors with a sign that says "Where's my mommy!!??". After planting this, they swing into the break room and tell me to check in early and tell me what's up. So we go into receiving and weed ourselves into the piles of pallets and watch. Janice comes back from lunch and promptly pops the door open for the afternoon shift....I thought she was going to come clear outta her skin...arms flapping....jaws gaping and a screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech! Of course the 5 or 6 of us hiding and watching bust out laughing because we got her really good. She vowed to get each and every one of us back....so in my mind it wasnt over yet...not by a long shot! Judy wasnt at the store when it happened...she was helpin in one of the stores in the southern part of the state.
Judy called a couple days after the whole "Where's my mommy" incident to see how I was holding up dealing with the claims area myself and of course I told her about the squirrel incident. She began laughing and said patch me to receiving...dont tell Janice who it is. So I call down for Janice to pick up the phone and she asks who and I tell her I dunno they asked for you and no I have no idea why the idiot in the fitting room sent it to claims. It got quiet for a while in receiving...a long while. Next thing I know she's hollaring. Judy called back and told me she had said she was from the EPA and had harrassed Janice with the old "didnt you know it was illegal to hunt squirrels? They are an endangered species!" bit. LOLOLOL OMG Janice was so pissed. Again she promises revenge and again I smile knowing it aint over yet.
A while later, several weeks later infact, a letter turned up from a "lawyer" regarding a suit for the wrongful death of Mrs S Squirrel on behalf of Squirrel Jr. Yet again, promises of revenge ( and I do recall her *trying* to get us all back...without much success) and again the small smile knowing my job wasnt done yet. So I let it go a bit longer. Things quiet down and Im working in claims after the Christmas holidays with Judy. While we were talking we decided that things had gotten a bit boring in receiving and maybe we needed to stir something up again. Judy told me that Mike had been squirrel hunting a few years back and had one mounted on a small branch. I just gave Judy this really evil smile and she goes "I should shouldnt I" I said "yep".
Next day she came in at 7am (receivers started at 8am so this was ideal) with this stuffed and mounted squirrel. We hid it in the claims area for later. Janice came in and went right down to work and Judy and I just giggled all day long. Judy was supposed to leave around 4pm but worked later. Janice (who's quitting time is normally 5pm) finished up earlier and headed for the office to do the paperwork for the day. Once she went to the office, Judy and I packaged up the squirrel so it looked like it was going to pounce outta the box. We sealed it up real well so it looked like a transfer from another store. Then Judy wrote a note on a slip of computer paper saying it was a transfer and very important to be checked in right away for a customer the following morning. She then signed it with Scott the store manager's signature (oh boy she had that man's signature down pat too!). When Judy went to sign out she was able to tell me that Janice left. At that point I took the package down to receiving and carefully set it on her desk.
The next morning I came in at 7am to help Judy get some returns done. By 8am when Janice came in, Judy and I were hard at work and barely noticed her come in. When we heard the receiving bay doors open, we looked at each other and smiled but continued working. We heard the radio turn on and knew she was headed for her desk back there. A few moments later we hear something get dropped and her screaming her head off...to which we commensed to laughing. We were still laughing when a couple of the gals from the back office came running down the hallway (receiving is at one end of the hall and the offices at the other...and it's a long hall aint it Bill?). They slowed down and just looked at Judy and I and we just laughed harder. Now they knew we had something to do with that yell....and asked. So I told them at which point they felt it'd be safer to just go back to the office and stay there. The phone rang....was an instore call from receiving....I was called a bitch and more promises of revenge. I simply smiled, knowing I wasnt done yet. I let it go a few years and wrote Judy (she's the only one who's bothered to stay in contact, although they all send their well wishes when she writes back) and in her letter I sent a card...with a squirrel on it. To which I get a message in Judy's letters that Janice called me a bitch again and promises revenge. Then I smile, knowing I aint done even yet. This reminds me....I owe Judy a letter. I think I'll get a stuffed flamingo for her this year...and a squirrel for Janice. I anticipate I'll get a note calling me a bitch and promises of revenge to which I'll smile and know this will still go on for another couple years.
I warned ya. Now dont you wish you put that towel down and Scotchgarded the chair? Or are you saying to yourself...what a silly stupid story? I guess you had to be there. But it's a good story for a laugh among friends and a reminder that paybacks are a bitch and so am I...
No comments:
Post a Comment