Oh my what a month this has been....oh forget the month...this year has been a real winner! My year started out great with my divorce finalizing at the end of January and then went :P. I have lost several friends this year in one manner or another. Whether by death or they turned out to be not whom I expected. *sighz* I have found out who my true friends are for the most part as they are prone to doing most wonderful things at the most unexpected times (like taking me out shopping without me asking for a ride...or offering to plan my wedding.....), but I digress...lemme go back to the beginning of the year.
Year in review:
January: I make my exit from a certain chatsite after the bosslady and I get into a disagreement. Quite evidentally we will never see eye to eye on certain issues and as such I feel it's in the best interest of myself and the site if I just remove myself from there for a bit. I drop all responsibilities and go quasi-offline for a few weeks to see what all is important to me and to finalize some garbage in my life. After much fussing and fighting and pulling of teeth I finally got a court date and my divorce was finalized. WHOOOHOOO! A great start to what looks to be a wonderful year...
February and March: I found out the first of many friends was lost. This one succumbed to cancer. I was very sad for many weeks as this man had been a friend of the family for many years and a real bright spot to everyone he came into contact with. He worked at a school back in New York (where I grew up) and was very active in the community theatre. My family and I shall miss him deeply. I get invited to another chatsite to be a streamer and although I miss streaming, my heart simply isnt in it. Over the course of Feb and March I stream maybe a grand total of 2-3 times, but like I said...I just cant bring myself to stream at this point. Somewhere along here I lose one of my online friends due to some stupidity on their behalf. I've known them for a couple years and they know I cant stand liars. I found out they'd lied to not only me but a friend of mine and so I had to draw the line. Instead of backing away and giving me a little while to get over being angry they decided to fade out of my life. I guess it may have been for the best, but I am suffering from a lack of closure on this one. Unknown to me this would be the first in a long line of failed friendships with no closure...
March: In March I ended up getting very very ill. Some virus attacked me and made me sick enough to BEG to go to a dr. Anyone who knows me well enough KNOWS I HATE DRS....with a passion. Unfortunately, this time I couldnt walk and had other complications (severe vertigo) so it wasnt exactly something I could ignore. Anyhow, a friend of mine was due in the following week to visit for a week. She ended up visiting a mutual friend a few miles away until I was better enough to have company. She'd been willing to come and help out, but I knew she had a bad back and I out weigh her 2 to 1. Needless to say, if anything happened I seriously DOUBT that she'd be much help...nursing trainin or no. When I felt better she visited for maybe a grand total of 1-2 days and went running back to the mutual friend's house using the excuse that my fiance were gonna be having company nearly constantly for the next 3 months and we should get to have some time alone. Ok so it ~sounds~ like a valid excuse, but when ya look back over everything that has happened over this year and back into last November, ya begin to wonder if it was just a lame way out.
March (possibly April): Realizing that I was moving offline more and more, a good friend of mine convinced me to help out on a site he and a friend were creating. It *seemed* to be a decent venture and before I knew it I got roped into doing banners, training and streaming again. I laid down the law....one stream time and one filler...and no I dont want anymore responsibilities than that. It became a happy time for me as I was busy busy all the time. In April, a friend from England was in states and was by to visit. I had planned on them being here a week but they had hit a crunch point of their vacation and couldnt stay more than a few days. Top things off, they showed up a few days earlier than expected and refused to stay in the guest room because he was allergic to my cat. Oh well. It was great to see him anyhow.
May: My friend from NY came down for a visit for 10 days. This one was a special visit because he'd been my exhusband's best friend for many years...in fact had acted as best man in my first wedding. Every visit he'd made with us over the course of the last decade had allowed him to see a marriage that was going downhill fast and his last visit in Dec 2002 had seen us at rock bottom and my then husband completely off his rocker (literally and figuratively). So this was a special visit...he got to see me happy for the first time in years. My fiance, my friend and I went to a few touristy places and enjoyed ourselves immensely. In the evenings I still worked at helping get that chatsite up and running. On May 16th, my friend and I held a memorial to a failed marriage and burned the pain in effigy. There was a sense of closure there...at least for my friend. I still have a couple things to do before that is over for me....namely get rid of that wedding dress....I just dont know what to do with it...my MOM made it for God's sake!
June-July: Over the last few months, I had been talkin to that friend who came out and visited in March...she tells me she cant come back this way until she gets new tires on her car. At this time, this sounds reasonable so I really dont expect she'll be back this way any too soon. A shame cuz I really was looking forward to a nice long visit with her. I had been considering asking her to plan my wedding for me and having it set in TN...close enough so she wont have to drive far. I think this is the month the chatsite I had been workin on actually opened. I was in nearly constantly training new streamers and making banners when I wasnt training. I held firm though and didnt go in to the chatsite much on Sunday-Tuesday because those are my babe's days off and I like to spend time with him.
August: Im woken up to a good friend singing me Happy Birthday on the 3rd. What a pleasant surprise! She tells me that our mutual friend from TN was coming back into town and they were headed to Florida but that maybe we could all do lunch around the 11th or so when they got back. I think this is wonderful. It'll be great to get us three together again....although nagging in the back of my mind is "Why is she coming back to Tx...she said she needed new tires...Im sure she couldnt have afforded new tires already...hmmmm...and why couldnt she tell me she was coming herself??". She also lets me know that the TN friend had been having trouble with her male friend and was a little upset about it..so I figure well lunch will be good we can talk and see what we come up with. Well when the 11th shows up, I have an email through the streamer's email saying they were back in town and would be online to stream the next day. Ummm ok. So I end up getting up early and getting the house ready just incase I have company or have to go out anywhere (like I was told was going to happen...). No call...no nothing...well it was a long trip...maybe the next day surely... I go online and tell the one from TN that she's more than welcome to come over anytime and she knows it. I get busy on tech work and miss alot in the chatroom , but scroll to see if there's anything important....hmmm nothing...just an I dont feel good Im going to bed. Hmmmm the friend in TX goes to check on her and returns to say that the TN friend had hurt her back and was in a bit of pain. Well that's understandable...ok so I email them both on Saturday to say my fiance has extra tickets to an event on Monday and would they like to go to please call or email me. Sunday no answer so I email again saying I really needed to know so we could make plans n such (Im thinkin they have been back since what...Tues or Weds and nothing yet....now granted I ~could have called~ but I really hate phones as I have a slight hearing problem so typing is much easier for me...). I get a call from the Tx friend (crying) saying TN friend went home and would be home in a couple days. I mean with a sore back she'll need to stop more often right? Well next day I find TN friend in the chatroom....she's home already and saying she's headed to Georgia to visit a male friend (yep...same one she had problems with). Now excuse me....if THAT'S what ya wanna do...dont lie and blame ya back on the fact you're leaving. Needless to say the TX friend and I feel lied to and betrayed...especially after Tx friend spent a good deal of time tryin to comfort her on their trip to Florida...*shakes head*. I've been doing some 20/20 hindsite thinking on this issue and all I can say is that maybe Tx friend and I were being scoped out to see what all we could give TN friend....another internet friend lost and in a rather hurtful way. There was more to this story but Im not at liberty to put it all here. A shame because this "friend" from TN is a user of the worst type. She weedles her way in and when she gets what she wants or if she sees you cant do for her she blows ya off.
September-December: Rather uneventful months with the exception that my fiance n I went to Indiana to visit with my family. They took to him real well and could see he is NOTHING Like the Freak I was with before. My brother even took him back to the computer room to pull up maps and stuff for our trip back home. Now, this may not seem much to the casual observer but you'd have to know my brother. The computer room is his inner sanctum. No one but NO ONE is allowed back there except his wife. Our parents had to ask to check their email there....and he just took my fiance back without anyone asking or hinting to the fact....a good sign...a very good sign.
November and December were rough chatsite wise. The friend who got me there turned out to be a playa of the worst sort. As a result the lady who owned the site shut it down. Oh we got a letter saying that she needed to get away and live her life and thanks for the friends that stood by her n such.... but then goes to say Im changin my phone number and all my addies so dont try writing or contacting me... more or less it was a KMA letter...*ugh*. So now Im here...I lost 2 friends at once (the male friend I've known for 2 yrs and that one cuz I took a stand for the site and the site owner) and no place to stream either....
It's been a rough few weeks. Im so used to streaming but Im not left too many choices. The one site I went to before (the one where the owner n I dont see eye to eye) I wont stream at period nowayjose. There are a few others that I could go to but I dont like the sites and the one site I do enjoy ...my friends wont go to because the chatters there get a little...ummm...free with their topics. Last night, however, I got some bad news. A dear friend of mine from Canada died in his sleep of a stroke. Such a shame...such a very nice man too (if any of my chat friends read this please give his sisters this link : *http://photobucket.com/albums/y103/ladystyx1969/Banners/?action=view¤... as it has something nice for them on it). That wasnt the only news I got....as I was talkin to my mom she told me that a couple of people I grew up with had lost their hold on life too. One to cervical cancer and one to a heart attack. So young...so very very young.....all 3 no more than 3 yrs older than myself....
Oh well....and life marches on.
On other news from this year...I found out from my mom that my now ex will be in prison for another 9 months. You dont understand how happy this makes me....oh I KNOW I shouldnt be, but I cant help myself. I do hope that he's getting the help he needs and can get on with his life though. As long as he leaves me alone, I'll be happy.
You may be wondering now....what the heck does my picture up there have to do with this year??? Well that's Christina Aguilera and one of her songs is called Fighter. In the middle of the song somewhere she sings the following:
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
I want to take right now to thank all the playas and liars and backstabbers out there for a wonderful year. You made me who I am...a Fighter...
*link no longer works. It was a In Memorium banner with "We will miss you" or some sort written in french. And the picture above that was mentioned was a Christina Aguilera wallpaper I had made.
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