Entry from Nov 18,2005

Entry for November 18, 2005

I had another one of those wedding dress dreams again. This time I was wearing the dress from my last marriage *ugh*...I really need to get rid of that thing. I know I could take and reuse the raw goods from it for other projects, but right now I dont have the heart to take scissors or a seam ripper to it. I dont know why...it's just a dress...but the problem is that my mom made it for me. Alotta time and love went into that dress. I've been wanting to sell it but the Consignment shops dont want anything that old and I couldnt get it to move on EBay. I guess I could always bring it to the EBay shop in town and let them deal with it. The shop, if they cant sell it, will donate it for me. I'll need to make a decision on that pretty soon. However, I digress...I was talking about my dream. All I remember is being at a wedding in that dress...however it wasnt my wedding. I remember thinkin that I shouldnt be wearing it and why did I have it on (not to mention there is no way in hell it'll fit me...)? I really should get rid of it just for the bad memories it instills and even *IF* I got the courage to take it apart and reuse it, the thought of what it was supposed to stand for would be in the back of my mind.
About the same time as that dream I was getting a package ready to send to Pennsylvania to the DA's with info to place in my ex's files for his parole review and something just made me not send it. I felt things were done and it wasnt necessary to do anything further to assure he'd stay in a bit longer.

Anyhow...a few days after this dream I got a call from mom in Cali and got some real good news. Some people reading this will probably think Im being mean for being happy over this, but if you talk to any of my friends you'll understand (actually I should start posting that story here...maybe someday). My mom called and said my ex *finally* wrote her a thank you note for the books she got him for his birthday ('bout time ...his bday was in AUGUST...but again I digress). He tends to write letters diary or log style and each letter takes as few days to write. Anyhow, in the beginning of the letter he wrote how he was going to be released on December 17th of this year (ugh). His parole officer went up to NY to check out his folks and the area in preparation of his release to society. By the middle of the letter he got discussing how they took him out of the dorm (where they place the people they are getting ready to release) and put him back in a semi-private cell with only one other cellmate. From what I understand he got a "bump" or something and that it was a good thing *but* he'd be in prison for another 9 months. To be honest, the last thing I want to have is that man released. I have days Im so afraid of opening my door and finding him standing right there on my doorstep and my fiance no where around to protect me. On the other hand; thanks to God, my fiance, online friends and family I am so much stronger emotionally than I was before and can handle nearly anything now...not that I want to tempt fate or anything....