Entry from Feb 27, 2006

Had another one of those dreams again. I think my mind is starting to go on overtime about this wedding....especially since I simply cant get motivated to do much of anything. I dont know why...I just cant. My dream was real simple this time. It was my wedding day and I wasnt finished with everything. I was racing to finish the flowers and a couple other small items....and then as I was headed down the aisle (unescorted and in a chapel which makes no sense since dad is alive and Im getting married in a cabin...) I realized we didnt have the rings with us. *sighz* On the upswing of this I actually saw my babe waitin at the end of the aisle for me...something I hadnt been able to do yet....AND it wasnt invaded by my ex (but of course after that one dream where I told him to leave NOW...I havent been haunted by that fear). So Im wondering why I had this dream. Am I afraid that I wont get things done because Im unmotivated....or is it a dream to tell me not to worry and things will be ok? And why am I so unmotivated? Is it because I am in a comfort zone and dont feel the need to go through with all the bells and whistles? Or am I really deep down afraid that it wont work out? Maybe it's like what my sister (actually a best friend I grew up with...but she's like family to me) said before...that Im simply waitin for the other shoe to drop. Or had the other marriage scarred me so deeply Im afraid of being hurt again? Evidentally, I have some issues I need to work out.